缘起：话说大宋立国之后杯酒释兵权，重文轻武之风袭卷朝野，朝廷颁政布令，广置学士门科，并于春、秋二季殿试学科及术科，由天子钦命各科状元、榜眼、探花并封官加爵。各地学生投师赴考趋之若骛，其中礼部尚书有感民间歌妓之素质甚高，能文、能歌、能诗、能舞、琴、棋、书、画，无所不通，为导正当朝武人粗野之鄙气及提升各地窑客之素质，遂奏请宋神宗钦点淫状元……
神宗治平二年，民间各地经由贡举、乡试、会试、术试、典试之后，共计试核过关取得秀才之名者有五名，分别是河南的王康、宁波的司马相、杭州的王富，曲阜的孔定及京师的兆子文，五人皆为人中之选，学术兼备技艺出众。殿试之日，神宗微恙不克钦点，颁旨宰相王安石为殿试长，欧阳修，司马光，范仲淹，吕惠卿为殿试官。
（一）即席对句初试淫声
“咚！殿试开始！”殿试长王安石敲下了大殿的巨鼓，宣布殿试开始。殿试官司马光穿着朴素官裳走上殿试台宣布殿试规则：“奉皇上钦命，本次殿试分文科及术科两项考试，两科各考五关子题，文科采抽签即席口答，术科采抽签即席操试，以沙漏计时，逾时作答或未作答者淘汰，最后胜出者由皇上择日钦点为状元，次者为榜眼，第三为探花，均另派任官职并给计官俸，四、五名者仍衔秀才，惟仅赏赐俸碌不给官职。”说完旋即转身归位坐下。
“文试第一关：对淫意短句，应试者须依殿试官口述之上联对出下联，文意需有淫意及学养深度者胜出，不得与前应答之答案重覆用字。应答时间一沙漏，以敲锣为讯号，一沙漏为三锣时。”吕惠卿宣布第一关开始。王安石为殿试长，依惯例要礼貌性开题，于是步上殿试台抽签：“孔定！”王安石抽出了竹签，看着刻注在上的名字呼名。
“在！”孔定快速的应声并起立。
“好，仔细听了…张灯结彩待早春。答联最后一字需押韵声，请答题。”王安石因为正推行改革新政故出此题，似有宣示新气象之意味。
孔定抓了抓头：“这个嘛…有了，近悦远来淫满城！”
“好，有淫意且对题。请坐。”王安石点头的走了回去。
“下一个是…王富！”
“在…在在…”王富坚定且快速的起立。王富略微思索的答：“欢天喜地开蓬门！哈哈…”
“好～好极了。请坐请坐！”
“…王康！”
“…有…有…”王康见到王安石，一时六神无主，吓得站不起来，忘了应声。“好，这个嘛……待我想想……这个嘛……”
“锵～～一锣时到了。”计时官喊着。“这个嘛……”王康猛骚着头苦思。“锵～～二锣时！”“这个嘛……有了，有了……精炮全放直干人！嘻嘻……”王康松了口气。“这……这……”王安石转头看看其它的殿试官。
学冠当朝的欧阳修挥手说道：“这次绕他一回吧！”其它殿试官自不再多言了。
“好，下一位是京师才子兆子文！”
兆子文抖了下衣袖，答曰：“鸟鹊云集探花唇！”“好，好……好一个探花唇呀！”司马光赞不绝口。“谢恩师！”兆子文拱手言谢并自称门生，显然对夺魁胸有成竹。
“最后是司马相！”
“烈女红妆濒失神！”司马相说完即满意的坐下。“等等，此对联淫意何在啊？”王安石不解的问着。
司马相正要站起身解释，范仲淹却挥手示意其坐下，范仲淹接着说：“禀丞相，此答之淫意只能意会不在字词，概‘濒失神’意指高潮欲满也，即是淫字之表现。”
“嗯～范兄高见高见。好…通过！”王安石心有顿悟的称赞着范仲淹的解释。
“好！第一关即席文试结束，五名秀才全部过关，请至后厢房稍作休息，两个时辰后进行第二关文试，退席！”王安石宣布了暂时休息。
应试秀才及殿试官纷纷退席，只留下观试民众的评头论足及交头接耳，有人觉得“濒失神”应得头彩，有人觉得“开蓬门”下得好，有人觉得“直干人”应改成“猛干人”用字较为有力，有人觉得“淫满城”和题旨的“待早春”最为相合……民众纷纷押宝或下注，殿下热闹紧张之气氛不输殿上的应试场面。
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